Too Much Fun At The Zoo
by Katchu
Summary: Jack decides that it would be fun for SG-1 to go to the zoo. Little does he know the reactions his team will have to certain animals. *NOW COMPLETED!*
1. Default Chapter

Author: Katchu

Title: Too Much Fun At The Zoo

Author's note: For those of you who haven't read 'Somewhere in between' Katie is Jack and Sam's daughter from an alternate universe. Even if you haven't read that one please read this and review. For those of you who have read 'Somewhere...' this story takes place 5 months after the events chronicled in that story. Enjoy.

Chapter 1: Fun in the sun

Jack slid down the sand dune and laughed when he saw Katie. She was lying on her back, eyes closed, sleeves rolled up. He walked over and stood in front of her, blocking the sun.

-Katie, what are you doing?

-What's it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to make good use of my boredom by getting a suntan.

He rolled his eyes.

-As if you didn't already have one from spending the last 3 weeks here.

-Exactly.

-Well, you don't have to be bored any longer. Carter thinks she's done with her experiment.

-Is she sure this time?

Jack laughed. This was the third time Carter had said she was done. After the first 2 she thought of something else that needed to be done, thus they had been stuck here an extra week waiting for her to finish.

-Third time's a charm. Come on, I'll show you what Teal'c, Jonas, and I have been doing in our spare time.

He offered his hand to help her up She grasped it and groaned as she stood up. Katie brushed sand from her shirt, put her hat back on and followed him up the dune. When she got to the top of the hill she broke into guffaws. The boys had created a gigantic group of sand sculptures. There was a Stargate, life size statues of all the team that didn't look half bad, a pack of wolves, a castle that was 15 ft. tall and about 30 ft. wide, and a group of 'sandmen', rather than snowmen.

-Boy, you guys definitely had too much time on your hands. How on earth did you build the castle?

-We took turns standing on each other's shoulders.

-That's got to be the height of boredom, literally. The 'sandmen' were a nice touch. Whose idea was that?

Jack bowed gracefully.

-Yours truly. I was wishing it would snow.

Katie laughed again.

-Where's the camera when you need it?

Jonas came around the corner of the castle.

-Right here.

He held up the video camera that he took on all their missions. Katie smiled.

-We can always count on Jonas.

Jack grinned.

-This way we'll have proof of our startling achievement.

-You'll have proof, but you won't be able to tell anybody where you built them.

-That's all right. I'll just say it was an oasis in the desert. Sounds mysterious enough doesn't it?

Katie nodded. Just then Sam came walking through the pack of dogs.

-I'm ready to go, sir.

-You sure?

-Yes, sir.

-All right, kids, let's get out of here shall we?

As they headed toward the gate, Katie turned around to wave goodbye to their sand counterparts. Sam turned to Jack.

-Colonel?

-Yah?

-Are you just planning on leaving your creation?

-What am I supposed to do, bring them with us?

-I guess not, sir.

They dialed the gate.


	2. A Nice Hot Shower

Chapter 2: A Nice Hot Shower

Jack, Sam, Katie, Jonas and Teal'c stepped through the Stargate as the wormhole disengaged. General Hammond walked in the room and greeted SG-1.

-It's good to see you all again.

-It's good to be home, sir.

Jack's voice was hoarse from the harsh desert climate of the planet they had spent the last 3 weeks on.

-If you don't mind, sir, I think we'd all appreciate a nice hot shower before being debriefed.

-I understand, Colonel. We'll debrief at 0900. Oh, and I regret to inform you that there was a chemical spill in the women's locker room. Siler says it will take day or 2 to clean up.

Sam sighed with relief at the thought of spending 30 minutes in the shower. Then she groaned with realization as to what General Hammond just said.

-Colonel?

-Yah?

-Do you suppose Katie and I could hit the showers before you guys? You know me and desert planets.

Jack sighed and nodded. Sam and Katie rushed out of the room, eager to cleanse themselves of the gritty sand. He sighed again and mumbled to himself.

-The things I do for the ones I love.

Jack hadn't meant for anyone to hear, but apparently Teal'c did because he raised his eyebrows in response. Jack opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. Instead he started walking out the door, then turned back.

-I'll be searching for food if you need me.

Then he left. Jonas turned to Teal'c.

-Teal'c.

-Jonas Quinn.

-Is it just me or is there...something going on between Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter?

-This question had often perplexed me, until one day I asked Daniel Jackson. He explained to me a custom of the warriors of earth. Two warriors of great rank cannot mate. It is a custom of the highest regard that cannot be broken. So, they have chosen to keep this custom although they still harbor feelings for one another. Over the years it has become slightly...awkward, but we all carry on.

-That's kind of a stupid custom.

-I concur, but remember the people of this planet are very strange.

-That is true. I bet it's hard on Katie. 

Teal'c nodded.

-One can only imagine the pain she suffers. But, Jonas Quinn...

Teal'c put his hand on Jonas' shoulders.

-...we must be strong, for them.

-I understand.

-Now, I suggest we join O'Neill in...searching for food. I am famished.

-Me too. Great idea.

They walked out the door in search of Colonel O'Neill and food.


	3. Field Trip?

Chapter 3:Field Trip? 

30 minutes later SG-1 sat at the table for the debriefing. They were clean, fed, tired. General Hammond cleared his throat and repeated for the 3rd time what he had just said.

-Colonel?

Jack suddenly looked up as his mind was brought back from wandering.

-Uh...yes, sir, sorry, sir. What were you saying?

-I said that I think you all should take some time off. I'm sure it's been a long 3 weeks.

-Time off? Yes, sir, a long 3 weeks, sir. Time off?

-Colonel, it's obvious to me that you and your team need some time off to relax and recover. Although, may I suggest that you stick together for your own safety. You're all tired and your response time is slow. There is safety in numbers.

-Yes, sir. Safety, sir.

-And Colonel?

-Yes, sir?

-Do me a favor and clear out before Doctor Fraser arrives. Something tells me she would confine all of you to the infirmary for the next week.

-Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. We'll do that.

-Dismissed.

General Hammond got up and left quickly before he started to feel guilty about unleashing SG-1 upon the public. Jack stood up and looked around at his team.

-All right campers, everybody change into street clothes. We'll meet at the main lift in 10 minutes.

-Dad?

-Hmm?

-Where are we going?

-We...are going on a field trip.

Katie eyed him warily.

-A field trip?

-That's right. 10 minutes.

Jack walked out the door. Katie groaned.

-This is gonna be fun.

Teal'c turned to Katie.

-I do not understand how tripping a field could be fun. What crime has the field committed to earn this punishment?

Katie groaned again.

-Loads of fun.

She walked out without answering. Sam followed.

-Do you understand the significance of this event, Jonas Quinn?

-No, your guess is as good as mine.

Teal'c got a thoughtful look in his eye, as if he were mulling over the possibilities.

-I cannot think of any explanation. We shall have to trust that O'Neill would not misguide us or lead us somewhere we should not go...

Teal'c paused.

-...as he sometimes does. I believe I will take along my zat'nik'tel just in case.

-I don't think that would be a wise course of action, Teal'c.

Teal'c nodded his head in submission to the logic of what Jonas said.

-You are correct, Jonas Quinn. I suppose we shall just have to...wait and see.

-I guess so.

With that they both left the room.


	4. The Cheyenne Mountain Zoo

Chapter 4:The Cheyenne Mountain Zoo

20 minutes later everybody gathered at the lift. Teal'c was the last to arrive. Jack tapped his watch.

-You're late T'.

-I am sorry, O'Neill. I could not decide what to wear.

Katie laughed and looked around at the group. How very predictable they all were. Teal'c was wearing khaki dress pants, a white turtleneck, a dark blue suit jacket and a fedora. Jack was wearing jeans, a hunter green polo and a black leather jacket. Jonas was wearing khaki pants and a long sleeve black t-shirt. Sam was wearing jeans, a purple button up shirt and a black leather jacket. She was wearing khaki pants, an orange polo and a black leather jacket. Even though they were all in street clothes it was obvious they were a team. They say that when 2 people have been married a long time they start to act like each other. Well, I suppose the same was true in this case.

Jack stomped his foot impatiently and ushered them into the lift.

-Come on. Let's go.

The lift took them to the surface. As they were walking toward Jack's truck, the guards saluted. Jack saluted back. He unlocked the door and got in the driver's seat. Katie climbed in the back. Teal'c and Jonas climbed in after her. That left Sam the front seat. She turned to Jack.

-So, Colonel, are you going to tell us where we're going?

Jack sighed.

-Carter, we're on vacation. Can we drop the Colonel, please?

Before she could respond Katie burst out laughing. Everyone turned to stare at her.

-I'm sorry. I can't help it!

Jack turned to Sam.

-So?

-So what?

-So will you stop calling me Colonel? At least while we're on vacation?

-What am I supposed to call you?

-I dunno...maybe...Jack.

-Jack.

She said it hesitantly, as if testing out its taste on her lips.

-So, Jack...are you going to tell us where we're going?

-No.

As they were talking 3 small tears silently rolled down Katie's cheeks. She brushed them from her face. As she did so her eyes locked with Jonas'. He smiled as if reassuring her that eventually everything would be all right. Jack popped in a CD. The voices of 'The Monkees' filled the car.

-Aaaaaaaaaaah!!!! Make it stop!!!!!!

Jack turned around to look at Katie.

-Don't tell me you don't like The Monkees!

-I love monkeys, but I hate The Monkees!

Jonas and Jack exchanged looks of confusion.

Jack sighed with resignation and stopped the song right in the middle of "I'm a Believer". He put another CD in. Kenny G's saxophone graced their ears. Katie breathed a sigh of relief.

-Much better.

-I'm glad you approve.

Sam turned to Jack.

-If it makes you fell any better, I love The Monkees.

He smiled.

-Actually, it does help.

They went from Kenny G to Miles Davis to Louis Armstrong and still they hadn't arrived at wherever it was they were going.

-Uh, dad?

-Yah?

-Do you know how to get wherever it is we're going?

-Of course. Maybe. I think. I used to.

Katie slapped herself in the head.

-Dad.

-Relax. We'll find it eventual...hah!! We're here!

They pulled into the parking lot of the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo.

Katie squealed with delight.

-The zoo! The Cheyenne Mountain Zoo! I've always wanted to visit here!

Teal'c tilted his head thoughtfully.

-A zoo. O'Neill, is that not the place where children of your species gather to learn?

Jack laughed.

-No, that would be a school, but I can see how you'd get them confused. Most kids belong in a zoo.

Katie slugged him as they got out of the truck.

-Ouch. Hey, I didn't say you belonged in a zoo, just most kids.

-I am not a kid.

-Oh, sorry, you're a teenager. Big difference.

Katie slugged him again.

-Ow. What was that for? How'd you get so strong anyway?

-That was to remind you that kids don't fight back, teenagers do. And to answer you second question, sparring with Jonas.

-Jonas? Our Jonas?

-Do you know any others?

-Um, no.

A moment passed.

-You got that strong by sparring with Jonas?

Katie and Jonas both laughed, but it was Teal'c who responded.

-Jonas Quinn is a formidable sparring partner. I myself found this out when he first arrived and have been practicing with him ever since to get into better form.

Jack's eyes widened.

-Jonas?

-Yes, sir?

-For the past year you and I have played pool, ping-pong, hockey and gone bowling and I'm just now finding out that you like to box?!?

Jonas looked away not knowing how to answer. Katie smiled.

-It's probably for your own good, dad. I bet he was afraid of hurting you.

Jack grimaced and turned to Jonas.

-All right, that's it!! When we get back to the base you and I are duking it out, you got it?

-Yes, sir.

Jack glared at Teal'c.

-To get into better form. Yah, right. It's physically impossible for you to get any better.

-On the contrary, O'Neill. Have you not noticed how of late I have been knocking you out much quicker?

-Yah, but I just thought I was getting worse.

Teal'c looked thoughtful.

-That too is possible.

They all laughed. Katie started walking toward the gate.

-Come on guys. Let's go.


	5. Monkeys

Chapter 5:Monkeys

Everyone followed. They paid to get in and headed straight for a nearby cafe. Jack and Katie got soft pretzels, Sam got popcorn, and Teal'c and Jonas both got hamburgers, onion rings and milkshakes. They sat down at a table to eat. Jonas plunged an onion ring into his milkshake and ate it. Jack's eyes widened in horror.

-That's disgusting!!!

Jonas responded by putting another ring in and gobbled it down. Sam turned to Jack.

-Have you not seen him do that before?

-No, no, I think I would remember that.

Katie laughed.

-It was in Steveston, Oregon when dad wasn't there.

-Figures. Did anything else exciting happen in Oregon that I should know about?

Jonas turned to Jack.

-Did you know Major Carter could pick a lock?

Jack raised his eyebrows and turned to Sam.

-Is this true?

Sam nodded.

-So Sam can pick locks and Jonas boxes. What else don't I know about you guys?

Katie, Sam, Teal'c and Jonas all looked at each other and shrugged, as if not sure what to say. Jack sighed.

-Boy, just when you think you know somebody...come on, let's go enjoy the zoo.

They threw their trash away and started walking toward the animals. They came to the monkeys first and discovered they were Katie's favorite. She sat down on a bench, entranced by their playful antics. Jack sat down by her and sighed again.

-Figures you're a monkey person.

She looked away from the animals and smiled.

-I told you I love monkeys, just not the Monkees.

-How can you not love them? Not love Davy?

Katie put her hand on his shoulder.

-I know it's hard for you to accept Dad, but when they sing I think they sound like 

dying hippos.

Jack put his hand to his heart as if shocked.

-Oh Katie...at least I know how you feel now.

He pretended to sniffle away tears. Katie slugged him.

-Ow. I wish you'd stop doing that.

-It's just too much fun.

She looked over at Sam, who was laughing hysterically.

-I bet you wish you could slug him.

-There are days...

Jack stood up, feigned being hurt.

-Jonas, Teal'c...what say we leave these two monkeys behind?

Teal'c frowned.

-I believe there are in fact 12 monkeys, O'Neill.

Jack sighed. Jonas laughed.

-I think he means Katie and Major Carter.

-I was not aware that they had become primates.

Jack smacked himself in the head.

-Well Jonas, it looks like you and I are the only sane ones here.

Katie walked over as if to punch him again. Jack smiled.

-It's okay you little insane monkey. You're welcome to join us, if you'd like.

-Gee thanks.

With that Katie and Sam took the lead, arm in arm, apparently having formed some sort of bond. Jack sighed.

-Well, I wasn't prepared for that.

Jonas walked up beside him.

-It was bound to happen eventually.

-I know, I just wish it wasn't so soon.

-Come on, we don't want to let those monkeys out of our sight.

Jack laughed.

-You're probably right.

Teal'c, Jack and Jonas followed Sam and Katie who were, by now, laughing like schoolgirls. They stopped by the amphibians and reptiles, but nobody was particularly interested in them. They had been walking now for half an hour and were tired. Teal'c and Jack sat down on a bench.

-O'Neill, what is the purpose of this zoo.

-Well, it's for people to see all the animals.

-So, these creatures are incarcerated against their will purely for the enjoyment of 

spectators?

-Yah, pretty much.

-This is indeed a strange world.


	6. Katchu the Kangaroo

Chapter 6: Katchu the Kangaroo

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews!!! A couple of you mentioned the fact that I don't use quotation marks and said it was a wee bit confusing. My apologies. Quotation marks have never gotten along with me nor I with them. I think it's because in English class my teachers were always very strict about their use and now I use artistic license by not using them. Just remember, dashes function the same way as quotation marks and signify when someone is speaking. The paragraphs that aren't indented are people's thoughts. Happy reading!!

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Rather than sitting down, Jonas stopped and took stalk of their surroundings. In the distance he saw an animal that was strangely familiar. He broke into dead run. Sam and Katie wandered over his way. Jack ran after Jonas and reached him first.

-Hey, what's up? Why the long face?

Jonas started to speak but couldn't. Tears silently fell down his cheeks as he pointed at the animals. It was a baby kangaroo and its mother.

-It's a kangaroo. I don't get it.

-When I was a little kid, about 7, my father brought me home a pet. It was a kangaroo. I named him Katchu.

-God bless you.

-Excuse me?

-You said achoo, I said God bless you. That's what you say when somebody sneezes.

-Achoo? No, I said Katchu. That's what I named the kangaroo.

-Oh. Hey, that rhymes. Katchu the kangaroo.

Jonas looked at him queerly, then continued.

-For 10 months we were inseparable. He was my best friend. Then one day I came home from school and found him real sick. He couldn't jump, couldn't walk. He died the next day. I never knew where my dad got him and I've never seen one since, till now that is.

-Wow. That's kinda sad. Look, Jonas, I know how you feel. When I was 10, my dog Riley attacked a bully who was picking on my little sister. The kid barely survived. My dad, being the father that he was, took my dog outside and shot him, without even telling me. At least you got to be with Katchu in his last moments.

Jonas looked up at Jack, obviously comforted by Jack's sudden display of emotion.

-I guess you're right. I never thought of it that way before. Thanks.

-You're welcome.

Katie and Sam stood a few feet away, both shocked beyond belief by the conversation. Katie turned to Sam who was wiping a tear from her eyes.

-Wow. I never knew about that.

-Me either. I guess there are a few things we don't know about the Colonel, huh?

-I guess so.

Jack, trying to recover his masculine pride, made an observation.

-Hey, where's Teal'c?

Jonas, Katie and Sam all turned to look for him. Jonas spotted him around the corner,

-He's over there by the koalas.

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Another author's note: In case you were wondering, I did get my pen name from Jonas' kangaroo. I thought it would be a nice way to honor him. As to the fact that Jack's dad shot the dog...that is based on my teacher's belief that once a dog gets a taste of man's flesh it will like it and attack others and hence should be put down.


	7. The Stealthy Rhisocandria

Chapter 7: The Stealthy Rhisocandria 

They all ran over to Teal'c. Jack clapped him on the shoulder.

-Where ya been T? We were looking for ya.

-O'Neill, are you not aware that within this cage resides a deadly predator that may escape and eat our hearts out before we are even aware of it? We are in great danger. I knew I should have brought my zat with me. 

-Whoa there Teal'c, it's just a koala. They like, don't hurt anyone.

-On the contrary, O'Neill, this is a stealthy rhisocandria. They are known on my world for killing entire households in their sleep. 

-Well, on this world they're known for killing eucalyptus plants and sleeping.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow.

-Are you quite sure, O'Neill? Perhaps they have simply been lying in wait for a surprise attack.

-I highly doubt it, Teal'c. These things are the sweetest creatures on earth. See, I'll show ya.

He started to put his hand in the cage to pet them. Teal'c caught his hand before he had the chance.

-If you value your life, O'Neill, you will listen to me and leave this area at once.

-Ok, Teal'c, we don't have to look at the koalas if you don't want to.

-That would be most wise.

Jack laughed and led them all away from the koalas. Teal'c kept looking back over his shoulder fearfully. Jack patted him on the shoulder.

-It's ok, Teal'c. Hey, maybe the hippos will cheer you up. They always cheer me up.

Katie ran up beside him.

-Did I hear hippos, as in dying hippos, as in The Monkees?

Jack raised an eye in warning.

-You better stop dissing on my Monkees girl.

-Or what?

-Or I'll lock you in a closet and make you listen to The Monkees greatest hits until you 

turn purple. 

Her eyes widened in horror.

-So...uh...let's go see them hippos.


	8. Somebody's Always Watching

Chapter 8: Somebody's Always Watching

They wandered around the zoo for the next half hour until finally Jack couldn't take it anymore. He yawned and stretched.

-There is only so long one can stare at furry woodland creatures. Who votes we find something else to do?

-Uh...Colonel?

Jack glared at Sam.

-Sorry. Jack?

-Yah?

-Since when do you believe in operating a democratic form of government?

He thought for a moment.

-Good point. Let's go.

As they headed for the exit they once more passed the koalas. Teal'c stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the cage.

-O'Neill, were there not 4 rhisocandrias here earlier?

-I told you before, Teal'c, they're koalas. And no, there were only 3.

-Are you certain?

-Quite.

Katie turned to Jack.

-No, dad, I think there were 4.

-No, your imaginations have just gone into overdrive. There were only 3.

-Ok...

They continued for the exit with both Teal'c and Katie looking back over their shoulders. And as they walked by, a stealthy rhisocandria looked on from the bushes as he prepared his attack.

THE END

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Well, I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. If you liked it please review. Also, recommend it to a friend. Thanks.


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